Killing Christopher

After much deliberation & careful thought I have decided, in the true spirit of openness and sharing, to publish the first chapter of the book that I am currently working on.

I thought that it would achieve 2 main aims in this context.

1.       To serve as a piece of extended background information for this blog, detailing how and why I am in the position I am in and why I hope to achieve some of the things I do.

2.       I hope that it may gain me some valuable feedback. This is my first writing project and the whole process as well as the resulting prose have morphed and changed along the way. Feedback and critique can only help further this.

I also need to get over the fear of sharing. Letting go of my words….  So here goes.

The work is pretty much intact as I typed it first draft. There will be alterations and amendments but this will give you an idea of where I am starting from.

I hope to look back on this moment in years to come with a cigar, a brandy and a deep -bellied laugh at how benign it all is after a long and satisfying career in the art of the written word.

Feel free to express your thoughts, ideas and comments.

Killing Christopher; Chapter One https://docs.google.com/document/d/19vXKpzFtXDqbc4ssz3hrxf1qTBRtulTscTanjJJcpJo/edit?hl=en_GB

The document is stored on Google Docs

TheArtfulBlogger

Rinse & Repeat

Right. My blogging cherry has now well and truly been popped.

I have several posts behind me and, although I would be the first to admit that they range in quality of both content and delivery,  the first ominous feelings of “Cyber Stage Fright” are now behind me. 

 I may only be a chorus girl struggling her way through the routine at the back and not yet the front stage prima ballerina of the web but the worst is over…

Now, before I succumb to the desire to produce endless posts that are aimed at gaining a following or shamefully written to please, I need to stop. Take 5 and focus.

The original aim of this blog was, to chart my attempts and first tentative steps into a new career and a complete lifestyle overhaul.

To help plan and plot my path as much as document it.

But this has all started to seem terribly self-indulgent and conceited. From what I have read in the blog community to write purely about yourself reeks of a level of vanity that is more befitting a “Geordie shore “ “Star” than a human being who aims at being taken seriously and saying something worth reading.

Then again, I need to re-think who I am writing for.  I don’t was to seem ungrateful for anyone who reads or comments  ( because I’m really not) and it is obviously more satisfying to feel “read”  than alone in the blogosphere, but it is for myself as much as for anyone else? To develop my writing skills and to build and online “Filing Cabinet” of my ideas, thoughts, issues & memories as well as to serve as a journal, all of which I can then utilize to help achieve the end goal, The Book, to give its prose depth and a clarity of purpose ,whilst  de-cluttering  my mind so I can focus on the task at hand.

Talking of focus, the newly found joys of blogging have rather drawn me away from my other endeavour, the painting.

The Exhibition that I have been invited to join is rapidly approaching and with the festivities of Manchester Pride taking up almost a week (including recovery time), time is running out to meet the self declared  “collection” number of 5 pieces…

So I am away to consider my next move blog wise, to muse on what I really want to say & spend some time on the canvas that has been a sketch for weeks, that will become “The Exchange”, the final for my Falmouth collection.

Some time alone with the paints and some good music may clear my head and my nagging blog doubts.

TheArtfulBlogger

Beauty & The Blog?

Right, so we have now established the basics. Now time to clear up some gossip and to bring anyone who is a bit lost, including me @ times, right up to date!

I am writing a book. I am also now writing a blog. “Too many fingers in too many pies” I hear you cry. “He needs to concentrate on one project. FOCUS”! I hear what you have to say…Well. Seeing as I am an academic (apparently, though not proven as such.) A keen reader.  An avid lexicographer and aspiring writer I shall put this in my best “I kissed the Blarney Stone twice” (if you don’t know Google it) most eloquent terms….

”BOLLOCKS to you all!”

Here it is. Put plainly;

I started writing a book, a HUGE undertaking in anyone’s estimates, at what was possibly the lowest ebb of my life. Not the greatest start.

I was facing some major issues and had the concentration of a small guinea pig. This was partly of course due to the medication I was prescribed all kicking in. I managed not to dribble or piss myself mostly but it was heavy for a while. Sitting down at my P.C in my bedroom staring at the wall for weeks on end was about as tempting as a home circumcision. It didn’t go well. I stalled. For 6 weeks.

Then…..24,000 words that were meaningful, heartfelt and basically accurate in grammar and spelling fell out of my soul. In 10 days. I was hooked. I stuck at it. Progress was good but slowly dwindled. I literally lost the plot. It’s like swimming the Atlantic. You leave from Fistral beach…2 miles out you turn around? You can still see Newquay harbour. 5 miles out you might see land. It’s when you’re 104 miles out, waves crashing, that you sink…….

That’s what I did. Writing wise I sank. I dried up. Word wise.  Banging my head against a wall. A Wall of books. Written Books. Written, Published books. Bastards.

I tried again to start. I couldn’t. I also got slowly sick of the polite enquiry “How’s your book going?” as the topic was now well known (I have a big mouth and do get somewhat excited at times of progress. I squeal like a pig), but the reply “FUCK OFF! Ever tried writing one cum dumpster?” is never socially acceptable unless one is in the presence of ones closest circle. Or in Liverpool.

After weeks of staring at a screen, I finally realised, that trying to write a heartfelt, deep and emotionally ravaging book for hours on end, alone in a room, slightly emotionally and mentally imbalanced is just plain impossible. Like Yin needs Yang. Like dark needs light, I needed some fun writing to do… to balance the scales.

So this is my Linguistic Yang. A retreat.  A sanctuary. A place where I can escape, vent, develop my skills (?) and hopefully entertain and have some fun too.

At present the book is back moving. I spent time planning and organising the layout and format. All now in a typically me style PowerPoint presentation format, clearly annotated and ordered. Complete with mission statement, aims, plot line. Headings, sub headings the whole nine yards.   Anyway work is coming along nicely and at a decent rate and posts will be frequent about progress...

There we are all clear and up to date. I’m off now but the bleeping HTC next to me has inspired a new blog. So I’m off.

Thanks for reading. (Lisa & Shaun-May as well name you both personally)

TheArtfulBlogger

The Grand Enterprise

So we have now established why I wanted to start a blog, to document & chart the path that lead me to this place ( both physically & mentally) & more importantly, to plot my progress & identify how I get back out of it.

It would therefore seem only fair & sensible to share with you the “plan”; what I intend to do with this new phase of my life, if only so that you have some idea as to what my rampant waffling’s all about and for.

Prior to my breakdown in 2009, I worked as a college lecturer, teaching hairdressing at a local College of Further Education. I had worked there for 6 years, starting on a part time basis working my way up to full time hours quickly & without me really even noticing. I was passionate about my craft as well as being passionate about passing that talent on to the next generation & infusing them with an interest. In short I loved my job.  However, after my mother died in March 2007, the shock, stress &  worry of  the inquest & a police inquiry, that all lead to nothing, took their toll on my already tired and worn out body & mind & I finally got carted out of my job almost literally a quivering, snivelling mess.

In the 2 years I sat at home wall watching, awaiting diagnosis & treatment, I began to think about life after recovery, the next episode, where did I want my life to head?  My mother had died early at 51 & one thing that I felt I owed her was to ensure that I lived my life to the fullest & achieved some of the things that I always dreamed. Not to be found alone & beaten, dead in my flat as mum had done. She was robbed of justice by the police, so I decided I would do her justice in other ways. I was determined of this from day one. All I needed to decide? was how I was going to achieve this goal.

One thing that I had always wanted to do was to write a book, it was always on my “list of things to do before I die”.  Mum’s untimely death spurred this idea on.  It became more than about just documenting the life & times of myself & became about a final gift for my Mum. She lived a difficult, tortured life, mainly due to her addictions & a taste for the wrong men. I wanted to write the book to atone for her mistakes, to look at our lives more closely & to gain sense of peace for myself & my mother posthumously.

The other thing I have always dreamed of is ART… becoming an artist.  Not that I have a huge talent but I am passionate &  creative so it seemed to make sense as it  allowed a relaxing vent for my creative side, an escape from real life.

So I started, albeit half-heartedly at first & dogged by depression & anxiety throughout. I started to map out a plan for the book, started producing some art pieces. I was exploring all my options, aiming to find a way of life that was rewarding while at the same time being something that I wanted to do & that I believed in.  I am a very different person to the one that left college 2 years ago & I will be different again by the end of this process, if it has an end?  It may be a constant metamorphosis that never fully stops. One thing is for sure, the quest is no longer about money or material gain & success. It is about fulfilment & satisfaction.  Being able to look back and feel a sense of achievement on my life and what I have done with it.

So, that’s it. From hairdresser, to college lecturer, and onto Author & Artist (send it out to the universe...”intention is the key”) with a quick detour along “Mental Health street” … This blog promises to have it all. Promises are all good & well & are of course only words... until they become actions (actually stick with words; this is after all a BLOG!)

So that’s the plan. Overcome my issues, find peace with myself & my past, write a bestselling book & take on the art world one creative expression at a time!

Easy I hear you cry! Well sit back, read on & join me for the ride.

TheArtfulBlogger

 "Dita Von Teese" A La ArtfulBlogger.
Facebookers will be sick of this image. But Blog readers this is where Im starting from with the Art.. An Early attempt.

Front Cover Book Design for "Killing Christopher" available at all good retailers and on-line stores, as soon as I have finished the bloody thing! 

The image is courtesy of my Gifted friend Mr Shaun Machin. (BSc don't you know!) I love it. It SCREAMS me with knobs on.