So we have now established why I wanted to start a blog, to document & chart the path that lead me to this place ( both physically & mentally) & more importantly, to plot my progress & identify how I get back out of it.
It would therefore seem only fair & sensible to share with you the “plan”; what I intend to do with this new phase of my life, if only so that you have some idea as to what my rampant waffling’s all about and for.
Prior to my breakdown in 2009, I worked as a college lecturer, teaching hairdressing at a local College of Further Education. I had worked there for 6 years, starting on a part time basis working my way up to full time hours quickly & without me really even noticing. I was passionate about my craft as well as being passionate about passing that talent on to the next generation & infusing them with an interest. In short I loved my job. However, after my mother died in March 2007, the shock, stress & worry of the inquest & a police inquiry, that all lead to nothing, took their toll on my already tired and worn out body & mind & I finally got carted out of my job almost literally a quivering, snivelling mess.
In the 2 years I sat at home wall watching, awaiting diagnosis & treatment, I began to think about life after recovery, the next episode, where did I want my life to head? My mother had died early at 51 & one thing that I felt I owed her was to ensure that I lived my life to the fullest & achieved some of the things that I always dreamed. Not to be found alone & beaten, dead in my flat as mum had done. She was robbed of justice by the police, so I decided I would do her justice in other ways. I was determined of this from day one. All I needed to decide? was how I was going to achieve this goal.
One thing that I had always wanted to do was to write a book, it was always on my “list of things to do before I die”. Mum’s untimely death spurred this idea on. It became more than about just documenting the life & times of myself & became about a final gift for my Mum. She lived a difficult, tortured life, mainly due to her addictions & a taste for the wrong men. I wanted to write the book to atone for her mistakes, to look at our lives more closely & to gain sense of peace for myself & my mother posthumously.
The other thing I have always dreamed of is ART… becoming an artist. Not that I have a huge talent but I am passionate & creative so it seemed to make sense as it allowed a relaxing vent for my creative side, an escape from real life.
So I started, albeit half-heartedly at first & dogged by depression & anxiety throughout. I started to map out a plan for the book, started producing some art pieces. I was exploring all my options, aiming to find a way of life that was rewarding while at the same time being something that I wanted to do & that I believed in. I am a very different person to the one that left college 2 years ago & I will be different again by the end of this process, if it has an end? It may be a constant metamorphosis that never fully stops. One thing is for sure, the quest is no longer about money or material gain & success. It is about fulfilment & satisfaction. Being able to look back and feel a sense of achievement on my life and what I have done with it.
So, that’s it. From hairdresser, to college lecturer, and onto Author & Artist (send it out to the universe...”intention is the key”) with a quick detour along “Mental Health street” … This blog promises to have it all. Promises are all good & well & are of course only words... until they become actions (actually stick with words; this is after all a BLOG!)
So that’s the plan. Overcome my issues, find peace with myself & my past, write a bestselling book & take on the art world one creative expression at a time!
Easy I hear you cry! Well sit back, read on & join me for the ride.
TheArtfulBlogger
Facebookers will be sick of this image. But Blog readers this is where Im starting from with the Art.. An Early attempt.
Front Cover Book Design for "Killing Christopher" available at all good retailers and on-line stores, as soon as I have finished the bloody thing!
The image is courtesy of my Gifted friend Mr Shaun Machin. (BSc don't you know!) I love it. It SCREAMS me with knobs on.
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