Beauty & The Blog?

Right, so we have now established the basics. Now time to clear up some gossip and to bring anyone who is a bit lost, including me @ times, right up to date!

I am writing a book. I am also now writing a blog. “Too many fingers in too many pies” I hear you cry. “He needs to concentrate on one project. FOCUS”! I hear what you have to say…Well. Seeing as I am an academic (apparently, though not proven as such.) A keen reader.  An avid lexicographer and aspiring writer I shall put this in my best “I kissed the Blarney Stone twice” (if you don’t know Google it) most eloquent terms….

”BOLLOCKS to you all!”

Here it is. Put plainly;

I started writing a book, a HUGE undertaking in anyone’s estimates, at what was possibly the lowest ebb of my life. Not the greatest start.

I was facing some major issues and had the concentration of a small guinea pig. This was partly of course due to the medication I was prescribed all kicking in. I managed not to dribble or piss myself mostly but it was heavy for a while. Sitting down at my P.C in my bedroom staring at the wall for weeks on end was about as tempting as a home circumcision. It didn’t go well. I stalled. For 6 weeks.

Then…..24,000 words that were meaningful, heartfelt and basically accurate in grammar and spelling fell out of my soul. In 10 days. I was hooked. I stuck at it. Progress was good but slowly dwindled. I literally lost the plot. It’s like swimming the Atlantic. You leave from Fistral beach…2 miles out you turn around? You can still see Newquay harbour. 5 miles out you might see land. It’s when you’re 104 miles out, waves crashing, that you sink…….

That’s what I did. Writing wise I sank. I dried up. Word wise.  Banging my head against a wall. A Wall of books. Written Books. Written, Published books. Bastards.

I tried again to start. I couldn’t. I also got slowly sick of the polite enquiry “How’s your book going?” as the topic was now well known (I have a big mouth and do get somewhat excited at times of progress. I squeal like a pig), but the reply “FUCK OFF! Ever tried writing one cum dumpster?” is never socially acceptable unless one is in the presence of ones closest circle. Or in Liverpool.

After weeks of staring at a screen, I finally realised, that trying to write a heartfelt, deep and emotionally ravaging book for hours on end, alone in a room, slightly emotionally and mentally imbalanced is just plain impossible. Like Yin needs Yang. Like dark needs light, I needed some fun writing to do… to balance the scales.

So this is my Linguistic Yang. A retreat.  A sanctuary. A place where I can escape, vent, develop my skills (?) and hopefully entertain and have some fun too.

At present the book is back moving. I spent time planning and organising the layout and format. All now in a typically me style PowerPoint presentation format, clearly annotated and ordered. Complete with mission statement, aims, plot line. Headings, sub headings the whole nine yards.   Anyway work is coming along nicely and at a decent rate and posts will be frequent about progress...

There we are all clear and up to date. I’m off now but the bleeping HTC next to me has inspired a new blog. So I’m off.

Thanks for reading. (Lisa & Shaun-May as well name you both personally)

TheArtfulBlogger

The Grand Enterprise

So we have now established why I wanted to start a blog, to document & chart the path that lead me to this place ( both physically & mentally) & more importantly, to plot my progress & identify how I get back out of it.

It would therefore seem only fair & sensible to share with you the “plan”; what I intend to do with this new phase of my life, if only so that you have some idea as to what my rampant waffling’s all about and for.

Prior to my breakdown in 2009, I worked as a college lecturer, teaching hairdressing at a local College of Further Education. I had worked there for 6 years, starting on a part time basis working my way up to full time hours quickly & without me really even noticing. I was passionate about my craft as well as being passionate about passing that talent on to the next generation & infusing them with an interest. In short I loved my job.  However, after my mother died in March 2007, the shock, stress &  worry of  the inquest & a police inquiry, that all lead to nothing, took their toll on my already tired and worn out body & mind & I finally got carted out of my job almost literally a quivering, snivelling mess.

In the 2 years I sat at home wall watching, awaiting diagnosis & treatment, I began to think about life after recovery, the next episode, where did I want my life to head?  My mother had died early at 51 & one thing that I felt I owed her was to ensure that I lived my life to the fullest & achieved some of the things that I always dreamed. Not to be found alone & beaten, dead in my flat as mum had done. She was robbed of justice by the police, so I decided I would do her justice in other ways. I was determined of this from day one. All I needed to decide? was how I was going to achieve this goal.

One thing that I had always wanted to do was to write a book, it was always on my “list of things to do before I die”.  Mum’s untimely death spurred this idea on.  It became more than about just documenting the life & times of myself & became about a final gift for my Mum. She lived a difficult, tortured life, mainly due to her addictions & a taste for the wrong men. I wanted to write the book to atone for her mistakes, to look at our lives more closely & to gain sense of peace for myself & my mother posthumously.

The other thing I have always dreamed of is ART… becoming an artist.  Not that I have a huge talent but I am passionate &  creative so it seemed to make sense as it  allowed a relaxing vent for my creative side, an escape from real life.

So I started, albeit half-heartedly at first & dogged by depression & anxiety throughout. I started to map out a plan for the book, started producing some art pieces. I was exploring all my options, aiming to find a way of life that was rewarding while at the same time being something that I wanted to do & that I believed in.  I am a very different person to the one that left college 2 years ago & I will be different again by the end of this process, if it has an end?  It may be a constant metamorphosis that never fully stops. One thing is for sure, the quest is no longer about money or material gain & success. It is about fulfilment & satisfaction.  Being able to look back and feel a sense of achievement on my life and what I have done with it.

So, that’s it. From hairdresser, to college lecturer, and onto Author & Artist (send it out to the universe...”intention is the key”) with a quick detour along “Mental Health street” … This blog promises to have it all. Promises are all good & well & are of course only words... until they become actions (actually stick with words; this is after all a BLOG!)

So that’s the plan. Overcome my issues, find peace with myself & my past, write a bestselling book & take on the art world one creative expression at a time!

Easy I hear you cry! Well sit back, read on & join me for the ride.

TheArtfulBlogger

 "Dita Von Teese" A La ArtfulBlogger.
Facebookers will be sick of this image. But Blog readers this is where Im starting from with the Art.. An Early attempt.

Front Cover Book Design for "Killing Christopher" available at all good retailers and on-line stores, as soon as I have finished the bloody thing! 

The image is courtesy of my Gifted friend Mr Shaun Machin. (BSc don't you know!) I love it. It SCREAMS me with knobs on.

Ladies & Gentlemen...I begin

So here goes. My first tentative steps into the blogosphere, the first words sent out into the wide unknown to fend for themselves in the endless traffic of the web. Best try to get them all correct then. 

So why blogging?

Well I’m a 30 year old single gay guy that has lived what can only be described as a “colourful, extreme & varied life” &  although I'm saving the best for my book, in short;
I had a chaotic and crazy childhood filled with violence and abuse,

This developed into rebellious & tortured teenage years (but whose weren’t right?). This all ended up leading to a hectic & unfulfilled 20 something.... which involved finding and promptly losing “The Great Love” followed a year later, when I was 27, by my mother’s “suspicious death” & the ensuing circus that entailed. The break –down followed right on schedule a year after that, prompting me to have to leave my job. Months of counsellors, analysts and the like followed while I sat here watching life fall to bits around me…2 long years I sat. Staring at the walls; battling depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, wondering what move to make? What to do? And I’m well aware that I am not alone or alone in my situation. We all have our issues, our histories, that’s what shapes us! But, there is only amount of time that any man can stare at a wall, turns out its 2 years. ….

So I digress….Why Blogging?

This is the start of a change for me, the change from what I have become through the events of my life & my own actions, into the man that I aspire to be; The total overhaul of my life, my mind & my soul.   The aim of this blog is to document the change, sharing my journey & my efforts, whilst hopefully inspiring a few others at the same time.  

Here’s to change……and blogging!